I watch the young lad talk to my wife as she smiled at him with encouragement. If I were her, I won't be too fond of allowing a greenhorn to take my blood but Jasline had been in his shoes before and readily complied.

"Take your time." She whispers softly and tilts her head to the side, allowing some strands of grey hair frame her oval face.

I did want to grow old with her but I never expected my desire to come true within our first four years of marriage. She has not hit her thirties yet and her once rich black hair has faded into a shiny silver mass.

Cancer has taken a lot from my dear Jasline. It robbed her of her youth, her hyperactivity and strength. It pains me so much to witness needle after needle prodding and piercing her delicate flesh.

Why won't you wince, dear? Let me share your pain. It hurts me to see you confined to the bed like this.

As if sensing my worry, she looked up and mouthed, "Love you." A split second later, she flinched as the needle punctured her vein. The boy's hands trembled slightly and it took a lot from me to restrain myself. Jasline won't be too happy if I interrupted someone's learning process.

The blood flowed steadily into the tube and the boy's shoulders relaxed as he released the tourniquet.

Remove the tube. Remove needle and apply pressure on the puncture site. Place a plaster on the site. I knew all the steps by heart by now.

"Hey Desmond." My wife called out from her bed as the phlebotomist trainee left. She sat up gingerly while taking care to not disturb the drip that contained her antibiotics.

I adjusted the pillow into a comfortable position, smoothed out her hair and cupped her pale cheek in my hand. Relishing in the warmth of my palm, she sighed with content.

"The doctor said she'll discharge me soon. I can finally go home! Isn't that great?"

It is so hard to pinpoint the source of her enthusiasm in this situation. Those dreaded cancer cells were already in their final stage and there was no cure. Allowing her to carry on staying in the hospital would be futile.

Warm lips pressed against the back of my hand stirred me out of my daydream. I responded by planting a soft one against her lips.

I did not care if she didn't respond back with the fiery passion she had in our courtship days, I just wanted to be with her. Everything now is so unpredictable.

~~~

Back in our bed, I look down at her in my arms a week later after the doctor declared there was no hope for her. Jasline stared at her hands after hearing the news for a few seconds before thanking the Oncologist for taking care of her all this while.

"Des..." A hand tugged my shirt and I see her face scrunch up with fear as she whimpered in her dreams. They were happening more frequently now. Her cries felt like daggers piercing through my heart.

She looked so strong on the outside but the nightmares that plagued her reduced her to a helpless chick. Her grip on my shirt loosened as she drifted back to peaceful sleep.

Wasn't till a few hours later that her sweet voice brought me out of slumber. "Darling?"

Hmm? I stirred lazily.

"I have to tell you something, wake up."

It took a while for me to free myself from the Sandman's curse and when I finally did, I was staring at the serious expression on Jas' face.

"I'm dying very soon."

Stop spouting nonsense.

"I have never lied to you, have I? Take me seriously. I have to prepare you." She reached out and grabbed my hand tightly.

"I am going to die. All life does. I can feel my maker coming soon. He was taunting me earlier."

Don't be silly.

"I'm not, Desmond. I have accepted that I'm going to die. Why haven't you?"

All this while, the anger held within me exploded out. Why are you being so selfish?! I love you. I can't lose you! I... I don't know what I'll do without you!

She reached up and wiped the stray tear sliding down my cheek. "I knew you would react like this." She turned my head towards her and gazed at me lovingly. God, I wish I could turn back time and relieve the old days. That gaze would instantly melt me into a puddle of mush back then.

"All life has to end. I just happen to have mine end earlier. If there was a chance for a cure, I would have gladly taken it a long time ago. My love for you will always be in your memories and your heart. We used to be dependent on our mothers but we are doing fine without them now, right? You have to accept the fact that I won't be with you..."

The truth in her words stung me and I knew that I have been denying it all along. I let out a sniffle.

"Hey, it's okay to cry. Let it out."

The tears just flowed. Every question and fear I had, she had a wise and practical response to each of them. We kept going on with our little Q&A session for a while before Jasline started sobbing.

"Truth is, I'm afraid to leave you too. Frightened of what lies ahead. Scared of loneliness but I know both of us will make it through."

I hugged her with all my might as if I did not hold her securely enough, she would get blown away from me by a breeze.

"I'm sorry if I wasn't able to give you children."

We have pets, those are our kids.

Chuckling, she brushed her lips against my cheeks. "Love again. Find another lady and give her all your love like you did for me."

I can't. You're my only one!

"I don't want you to spend your silver years alone, sweetheart."

Silence ensued as I looked painfully into her eyes, knowing she would be departing soon.

"It won't be the end, it'll be a new start for both of us. People die everyday. We grieve but we have to move on. Promise me you'll not spend your whole life dwelling on my death. I want you to remember me as the wife you loved, not the wife you lost."

At this point, I couldn't help but love this woman even more. I was so blind to my fears to realise that we should make the best of our happiness now instead of fearing the inevitable. Yes, my beloved Jasline will die but I should not have wasted my time worrying... I looked down as she stared at me curiously with wide eyed wonder and I proceeded to capture her soft lips with a tender kiss.

~~~

It has been twenty six years since her passing. She left peacefully two months after that heart to heart conversation that morning. Before that, she gave me one of her possessions, her dairy and instructed me to not read it till she was gone. Each entry dictated a letter to me to help me ease the pain. The last entry never fails to bring tears to my eyes.

"Dear Desmond,

I am so proud and glad to have you as my husband. Without your love, I would have been a lonely and bitter spinster. I am so lucky to love you more every single day.

I hope you'll never stop loving. It is a blessing to know you and to be showered with your affection and attention. Your smile and laugh would instantly brighten my day. Continue to share this gift with others, alright?

Loving you always,
Jasline"

The thoughts of her hand giving life to the pages never stop appearing in my head. I miss her presence so much.

I never remarried but I adopted two beautiful children and raised them with my love like what Jasline had wanted.

Her death still hurts sometimes but just recalling on the joyous times we had together fills me up with warmth.

As I lie in my bed with my kids and infant grandkids around me, I can almost hear her laughter and inhale her scent again.

I'm coming home, Jasline.